This is one lesson that can not be learned often enough. The net is filled with those that claim to be something or someone. Newsflash...... The only thing you actually know about them is what they tell you. Relying upon what someone tells you about themselves, without a variety of independent confirmation is dangerous.
And in the end, meeting someone in RL, either someone you had met on line or in RL, is inherently dangerous. The worst that can happen to you on line is that you are called some unpleasant names. The worst that can happen in RL is depicted in the story of Slavemaster. For those of you unfamiliar with Slavemaster, ask around and read the news articles.
For those of you that are considering meeting in RL, there are a series of protocols that HELP to make you safe. They do not ensure it. If you need assistance in preparing a plan to meet safely in RL, I would be pleased to offer my time. Your plan should include, but is not limited to, the following:
* Spend time on line with the individual you are considering meeting. Know them as well as is possible on line before any next step is taken.
* Share your BDSM interests. Talk about them. Know what this person is interested in and look for things that may cause you concern. Exchange BDSM checklists. Make sure your interests are compatible.
* Ask questions of friends and acquaintences.
* Make sure you have a complete name, address, phone number for home and work, driver's license, automobile description and license, and any other methods of identification.
* Check on the living status of this person. Check the address using a reverse phone directory. Check the marital status. Check the employment status and location. If you find ANY inconsistency, run, don't walk.
* Make a criminal background check in their current state of residency, and any previous states. This can be done on line, and may cost a few dollars. But a few dollars for your safety and peace of mind is well worth it.
* Meet on your home turf. Meet where you are known and recognized.
* Meet in a public place. Preferably with a friend along.
* Make sure you have given all pertinent information regarding the one you are to meet to another friend. That includes a copy of the pic, auto info, license, and itinerary if a plane or train are the mode of transportation.
* Make safe calls at regular intervals to this trusted friend. If you do not check in on time, he/she is to take that information to the police to begin an immediate search.
* NO BDSM activities until you have met as many times as is necessary to truly know and trust this person with your life.
* When the relationship has progressed to the stage in which you desire to scene together, that location is to be known by others, and safe calls arranged from that location.
* Scening should NOT include Bondage, Blindfolding or any other restrictions or sensory deprivation that might place you in danger. That comes later, when you would not only trust this person with your life, but your family's life as well. That's a good standard to use.
* If at any step along the way you see, hear, find, feel ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable or concerned, stop it right there. It's not worth taking chances.
I'm sure I've neglected to mention a step or two along the way here. And perhaps others will be kind enough to add them. D/s is a wonderfully fulfilling lifestyle, and I pray that we all experience it safely.
Rover«»
Copyright 2001
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